Youth Sports: How to Provide Healthy Support for Your Active Child
Youth sports season has arrived, and many families are already gearing up for a spring of busy practice schedules and emotional competitions. As a sports therapist, I field a lot of questions from parents each year about the best ways to support their kids who are struggling with participating in sports—and often also struggling with their parent-child relationships related to their athletic activities. The pressure of the game can transmit to other parts of a child’s life, and though we try our best to be encouraging, sometimes we need practical advice on how to help them without adding additional stress. With that in mind, here are six suggestions to help you be the best sports parent you can be:
1. Be A Cheerleader, Not A Critic
Anxiety is ever-present in the world of sports, specifically related to an athlete’s performance. Many of the athletes I have worked with who struggle with sports anxiety have eventually pinpointed the source as being their parents’ negative reactions to how well or poorly they perform on the field. Negative reactions include parents focusing on their child’s mistakes rather than their successes, complaining about their child “slacking off” on practicing during the week, and forgetting to offer praise for times when their child succeeds or does well even during a loss. Depending on the age of the child, they are often aware of their own mistakes and already playing back a reel in their minds of what they did wrong. They don’t need parents piling on more reminders and making them feel as though they will never get it right.
Every team has a coach whose job is to instruct the players on improvements they can make to their gameplay. Unless you are the team coach, that job doesn’t belong to you. Your child needs to know they can count on you to be their cheerleader (even if you are also their coach). Cheerleaders give encouragement and positive feedback, especially after a difficult loss. This doesn’t mean you need to give false praise; in fact, kids are more sensitive to honesty than most people think. Instead, point out things they did well—even the small things—and be sure to model a healthy attitude towards both winning and losing so they can keep perspective and remember that, at the end of the day, it’s just a game.
2. Communicate Effectively
Healthy parent-child relationships are based on open and honest communication. Taking time amidst a busy family schedule to listen to your child’s thoughts and feelings can have a huge impact on them, both on and off the field. A child who feels understood and validated in their feelings is a child who can better process the emotions that come with challenges like missed goals and lost games. If you are struggling to feel like you have time to talk to your child, try making use of short windows like on the drive home from practice or a game to ask them how they felt about the way things went. Let them lead the discussion, encourage them when they express their feelings, and validate them in both their successes and their failures. If they ask for feedback, go ahead and offer suggestions and avoid harshly criticizing or belittling their efforts. If they don’t ask, just listen, acknowledge, and leave the commentary to their coach.
3. Respect Their Boundaries
Your child’s experience on the field ought to be unique to them, guided by their talents, interests, and motivations. Respect your child’s boundaries and preferences when it comes to their engagement in sports. Allow them the freedom to explore different activities and pursue their own passions at their own pace and avoid imposing your own aspirations or expectations onto them. There will always be parents who attempt to live vicariously through their child, but you don’t have to be one of them. Your child will be grateful to you for giving them the space and support they need to have a positive athlete experience that is uniquely their own. Being excited and proud of your child for participating in sports is wonderful, but taking that enthusiasm too far can pressure young athletes into believing they are responsible for making their parents happy by winning, which can turn their own enthusiasm into lack of interest or even strong dislike of the very thing you hoped they would learn to enjoy.
4. Model A Healthy Perspective On Competition
Competition is a natural part of sports, and it’s important to teach your child that winning isn’t everything. It is your responsibility to teach the value of sportsmanship, teamwork, and personal growth. Encourage your child to focus on their own performance and improvement, rather than comparing themselves to others or seeking external validation through winning. Model these values yourself by not engaging in gossip about other teams, their own teammates, or their coaches. Having opinions and feelings is okay, but they should be shared in healthy ways that won’t encourage the development of negative attitudes towards others. Complainers who don’t play well with other kids, or players who are disrespectful to teammates and coaches will miss opportunities for growth and friendship amongst their team, and coaches don’t want to teach kids who are “uncoachable” because you gave them the impression that their coach can’t teach them anything new.
5. Provide Practical Support
Practical support for your athletic child is just as important as emotional support. This might involve arranging transportation to and from practices and games, ensuring they have the necessary equipment and gear, volunteering to assist with team activities or events, or being on the sidelines to cheer for them. Prioritize being on time to practices and games. Your involvement shows your child that you’re committed to their interests and invested in their success. If practical support in these ways is difficult to provide on your own, model good sportsmanship by befriending other parents of team members and working together to divide the practical needs of the team so that the burdens are not falling on the shoulders of only one or two parents.
6. Sports Should Be Focused on Fun
Above all else, participating in sports ought to be fun for your child. Losing enjoyment of the game is the fastest way to develop struggles with poor performance. Encourage your child to experiment and find sports they enjoy, and let them lead out in choosing their activities. Do not force them to play a sport just because you personally enjoy it or wish they would like it too. Ultimately, this kind of pressure will be torture for them and you, and will lead to a breakdown in the open communication healthy parent-child relationships require. Keep your focus and theirs on the journey of learning and skill development, rather than on winning and performance. If your child is still struggling, don’t be afraid to change things up and suggest they try something new. Often children need the encouragement of their parents to believe that change and new options are possible. Show them that their happiness matters more to you than which sport they choose to play.
Providing healthy support for your athletic child is about more than just cheering from the sidelines or shuttling them to practices and games. It is about nurturing their love of activity, supporting their personal growth and development, and helping them navigate the emotional highs and lows of competitive environments with grace and resilience. By modeling sportsmanlike behavior and attitudes, providing positive reinforcement and validation, giving them physical support that they can rely on, and keeping the focus on fun, you can build a healthy relationship with your child and help them thrive on and off the field as they participate in youth sports.